May 31st, 2024 @ the Barwon Club
Lineup: Nephalem, Electric Funeral, Pendle Hill, and Distorta

Disclaimer: At the request of the survivors, the names have been changed.

Already running well behind, I managed to sneak out of the house at 7:30, a full 30 minutes after doors open. On the short drive to my friend “Frank’s” house, I received a message from another friend, “George”, claiming he had been drinking red wine and smoking weed all afternoon, and was wondering if I might be so kind as to give him a lift as well. Swinging past Franks, we then proceeded to drive into Geelong CBD to locate the highly inebriated George.

After an anxious 5 minutes of circling the general area which he had claimed to be, he finally responded to a text message claiming he was going to make the 3 km trek to the BC on foot. We did manage to locate him and strong arm him into the car, at which point he reflected on how proud he was of his past self for having the foresight to put a protein bar into his pocket for his now present self to find and eagerly consume.

Arriving at the venue, now 1 hour after doors open, we discovered that we had in fact juuuusssttt missed the first band in the line up (sorry Distorta…. Im sure you were great).

After making our way to the smoking area, and having a lively debate on cannabis legalisation in other parts of the commonwealth, and the nuanced differences between the different ways of consuming it, we heard the 2nd band on the lineup, Pendle Hill, kick off, and we headed in.

I am not gonna lie, I did not do my homework for this gig, so apart from Nephalem, I had not actually listened to the material of any of the rest lineup – so if you’re after song names or set lists, you are in the wrong place buddy.

Pendle Hill are a 5 piece melodeath band from Melbourne, and bro, they dressed in fucking ROBES on stage. Fuck yeah buddy.

They put on a solid set. The vocalist & bassist weren’t shy about jumping off stage and getting into it, which was a fkn blast to see & join in.

A brief discussion was had with regards to the robe styles. George was claiming that they were dressed as wizard, whilst Frank was determined that the style of robe was in fact the kind worn by benediction monks. What ever the truth may be, it was a fine set by a fine band.

After another brief foray to the smoking area to continue the previous line of discussion. Once again, the debate was cut short by by the next band in the lineup, Electric Funeral, kicking off.

Electric Funeral are a 3 piece thrash band …. Presumably also from Melbourne? Idk. I googled them and searched insta and there’s like a million different “Electric Funerals” and I was too lazy to keep digging cos I’m kinda tired. 


They were also quite good. Thrash aint normally my thang, but … I mean …. they were solid… if you’re into that sort of thing. Which I guess I’m still on the fence about.

If you like thrash you should check em out! Or like…. Don’t… what ever.

Incidentally, mid way through their set our small entourage was joined by another friend “Sarah”. Electric funeral finished off with a sick cover which I’ve forgotten the name of but it was rad, and we once again, made our way to the smoking area to continue the aforementioned discussion on THC consumption.

The topic of conversation had slowly drifted to the debaucherous nature of modern dating, when we heard the headliner kick off, and once again, proceeded inside.

Nephalem…. What can I say? Super fuckin rad. Labelling themselves as “Hardcore Satanic Boogie”….. I mean… yeah I guess? I would have said death metal / grind core or something, but like…. I’ll take your lead on this one guys.

Very fuckin tight and solid set, with the vocalist not shying away from jumping off stage and screaming in the faces of the crowd. A mid set cover of “Gay Bar” by Electric Six was the cherry on top I was not expecting but loved the fuck out of anyway.

Now onto general vibe of the night; Sound quality was on point, the crowd was pretty small tho, with a turnout of maaayyybbee 50-60 people, and only a small, yet respectable pit forming sporadically throughout the sets.

Over all, we rate this gig a 4/5 “Punches to the face from some dude off his face from coke in the pit”. This is an inelegant and clumsy rating system, but ya use what ya got.

Addendum: We all left the venue, with a now even drunker and stonder George wanting to hit the town to try and score some K. Sarah and Frank was like “eh, why the fuck not”.

Even though the objective was set BY George, he was once again adamant on walking back into town, and it took two of us to strong arm him into Sarahs car. This is where I left them to their adventures, and headed back to my own car.